Unexpected Treasure

I wish I could say I was sorry to laugh so hard as you tripped and fell on the sidewalk. Would it were that it was possible for me to express these apologies, I might. And I should be understandably forgiven. The sight was as comical as I could imagine. Along with my apologies, I would express gratitude. You have brightened my day, clumsy stranger.

Ancient Winds

Please know that your flatulence did not go unnoticed. Do not believe for an instant that due to societal conventions allowing for the tolerance of bodily noises from the elderly that your unwanted emissions are rendered silent. We hear them. We note them. We feel pity and annoyance. You really shouldn't be blamed.

Please Hold

No, it is quite all right to keep me on the phone with what appears to be no purpose at all. Misjudging my level of interest in anything you may have to relate is only costing me my precious time. Why would that concern you at all? It comes as no surprise to find you have no observational skills to go along with an utter lack of consideration. So please, don't let me interrupt your mindless prattle. Keep expressing every inane thought that you somehow muster. It isn't as if I can like you less.

Do Something

An offer of a breath mint should not be understood as a kind gesture to help you through the day with minor sustenance. Understand that the putrid nature of your breath is the only reason to bring out such a gift. No one will tell you this, but it should just be assumed. Please take note.

My Kingdom for a Tarp

Yes, I realize it is finally somewhat warm. You waited impatiently for the foul winter to release us all from it's choke hold. Why? Apparently, so you could walk the streets shirtless. I must insist that you immediately become clad. Perhaps, in a bygone era, you were the Adonis of your imagination. Decades and dozens of pounds have not done you justice. Copious abdominal hair matted with perspiration does not enhance the aesthetic. Cursedly, the womenfolk of our fine nation adhere to a guideline to always cover up with some modicum of clothing. Can we not all agree to this unspoken covenant? How can I implore you to remove that t-shirt from your straining waistband and pull it over this mass of jiggling pallid torso? Gunpoint is the only thing that comes to mind.

Solutions to Important Issues

Young lady, why wear a tube top if it never will stay up. You are taking away from this experience by constantly tugging at is. While I am quite certain, you spend precious little time considering the laws of gravityand physics, the emprical evidence presented to you is overwheming. I amsure your wardrobe is packed with equally revealing halters. We like those too.

Do Expire

While it is true that I begrudgingly share space with you in a variety of places, it should not for a minute make you assume that I share the same opinions. Are you upset with the service in the restaurant or post office? Do you want to roll your eyes and sigh? Are you looking for support of your fellow man? Are you going to force me to shrug and mutter "what are you going to do"? Well, I won't. I don't care about your plight. I care nothing for you. I am more concerned with my expectation of privacy than to your expectation of what this planet and its inhabitants owe you.