Straighy

Heterosexual caucasian men sporting pink Polo shirts and pedal pusher pants so encroach on gay culture that it is now watered down and inane. You're the father of three, you golf, watch Sportscenter, and the oil changes on your sensible family roadster are always on time. Yet, your hair is laden with product, your sunglasses are large and too hip, and you go absolutely nowhere without tiny headphones jammed into your ears blaring electro noise. You are confused and depressing. Why must we suffer this?