Monday, January 5, 2009

A Mouthful

Removing your false tooth as a conversation piece in mixed company is as uncoothed as conceivably possible. High class company, you are not.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Captive Audience

Your attempt at levity during this elevator trip is met with steely glances and ill will. As it should be.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Epic Amounts of Information

I do think it is presumptuous to leave your feminine hygiene products at his apartment this early in your relationship. I should also add that it is presumptuous to think that the the complete strangers on this train, myself included, enjoy this type of overheard conversation.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Cognitive Dissonance

You are exceedingly difficult to talk to. It isn't just that you are a bore, but you also have habits that are unseemly to the point that it is nearly impossible to to have a prolonged discussion with you. You are constantly picking at your ears, your nose, and maybe the most disgusting and off putting, your eyes. I go reeling from your presence after watching you absent-mindedly extract some unknown substance from your eye, inspect it coolly, and cast it aside. Perhaps you developed this habit as some way to overcome an agoraphobic bent. If you were to act as you may when alone (wallowing in filth), you do not have to worry about the prying eyes and hurtful judgements of those you encounter. Let me provide you with the assurance that we can see you. You are not invisible. And I for one am worse for that fact.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Take Pity

Your mouth is in perpetual motion. I can recognize this fact. But if you are under the impression that I am taking in anything you are going on about, then you do not recognize my current state. Your voice is stabbing my mind. It is all I can do to stop from clawing out my aural canals. You must stop tormenting me, I have no doubt that whatever it is you are so verbose about is of no consequence.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Glad Tidings

Ah, the great congregation of the unwashed and illiterate. Celebrate dawning of new hope. Just do it far from me. Please use contraception.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


Kind waiter, I know you believe you know better, but I will select what I want to eat. Please go bully some tourists into having the cheese plate.