Hair Play

Sir, the time and energy you exert on your hair is an affront to masculinity. You obviously have too much time to style, tease, and coax your coif into submission. You toil until you have reached some sort of boy band fauxhawk perfection. You sport an oil slick of salon products that show a ghastly sheen and emit a miasma of treacly olfactory horror. And can you not see how awful you look? One assumes the mirror is a major part of your morning routine. Foppish